Samurai, how do I say goodbye?

It is with a broken heart that I write this post. My beautiful dog Samurai passed away yesterday and I'm just grief-stricken. He was so much more than just a dog, you see he was truly my best friend and my soul mate. For the past 13 years he's been by my side through thick and thin and seen me through the darkest times of my life. Times during which I had all but given up on life. But he was there and he was my light and he gave me reason to fight on and more importantly to live on.

Because of him I ended up changing my life completely and meeting the most incredible man who I know I will spend my life with. And here we are Samurai is gone and Kenny and I are full of such incredible sadness, regret and guilt. Nobody warns you about that, the guilt you feel when you euthanise an incredibly loved pet.

My boy was old, he couldn't walk properly due to a spinal disc rupture a few years back, he was riddled with arthritis, he had an internal tumour which we had no idea how big it was or if it was indeed still growing at all, he also had a large tumour in the back of his mouth and more tumours growing on the other side of his mouth which we spotted 2 weeks ago which weren't there about a month ago. There was also an 'inconclusive' diagnosis of Cushings disease and not to mention the laryngeal paralysis. Gosh do I need to go on. This is the first time I've written everything down 'on paper' and that's quite a generalised list not breaking it down into specifics. I could be here all day if I did that!! It was the laryngeal paralysis which in the end gave us the biggest scare where after a walk Samurai couldn't breath and seemed to be suffocating. It was then we made the horrible decision.

We spoke to the vet and organised a home visit, we went to the crematorium to make sure everything would be done properly and he would be cremated on his own and treated with respect we planned and we planned. So yesterday his vet Zoe came over, he was snoozing in my scrapping room, his usual place at that time of the morning as I'm usually sat in there. First she sedated him as he hates needles, oh how he cried when she injected him in the back of the neck and how I cried to see him so scared. It was only momentary more his fear of needles than pain, he ran off to the vet nurse Charlotte for a grumpy cuddle and then came back to his matt where he quickly became sleepy. I lay beside him cuddling him nose to nose as they prepared his paw for the final injection and as she filled his veins with the awful blue poison I stroked him and told him to go sleep, that mummy was there and that I loved him so much and Kenny sat on the other side of him and told him he was there too, and we watched whilst his body gasped for air and sobbed and sobbed.

We went for our last road trip together, all the time I kept looking over expecting him to get up and sit between us like he usually does. He looked so peaceful and so calm, he just looked so beautiful and I still cant stop crying thinking of it. We attended the cremation, determined to see him through to the end, my lips the last to kiss his muzzle and my my hands and arms the last to stroke and cuddle him.

So there it is, everything that was wrong with my boy, my head tells me it's amazing that he lived this long but yet my heart keeps screaming out I didn't try hard enough, I didn't do enough for him , I gave up on him, I let him down, it was too soon, I should have waited, I killed my boy, my soul mate!!! How could I do such a thing!!! How could I give up on him after all the loyalty and love he's given me. Will this pass?? Will I be able to remember all the magical times we had together without this intense feeling of guilt and regret.

I've had so many friends offer me support and kind words knowing how much I loved him and how much they loved him too. I just can't bring myself to speak to anyone though, not yet, as soon as I try I just burst into tears. I'm hoping writing this post may help me get through this.  So I'm sending this out to the blog-o-sphere, and to my boy.

Samurai I've loved you like no other, for all the things I may have done wrong in my life there must have been something I did right to deserve such an amazing dog. You were such a loyal, loving and gentle giant. A true gentleman and I was blessed to have had your love. I love you so much and will never forget you my darling boy.

Twisted Sketch #127!!

Have you ever wanted to do a layout with a lot of 'white space'....literally?? My layouts are usually fairly covered with patterned paper as often feel I haven't put enough effort into it if theres spare space :o) hahaha my wierd mentality!! Firstly have a look at this weeks Twisted Sketch here......

The twist was "chipboard". Fairly obvious that the first thing that springs to mind is to just use some chipboard, so off I went hunting through my stash to see what I had in chipboard. I found the words best friends and new then that I just had to find some photos of me and my boy.

I kept it fairly simple, 2 photos matted with some paper, a machine sewn border, some ribbon offcuts and a couple of dried starfish I had lying around :o) I just wanted the photos and the title to say it all......Samurai is my best friend. What would I be without him!!

Twisted Sketch #125!!

Honestly sometimes I amaze myself at how disorganised I can be. Completely forgot to blog this layout, and I have to say it's my latest favourite. I just love this photo of the boy. Have a look at the sketch here.....

This weeks twist was 'BLACK' I figured I was scrapping a Big Black Dog....but also added some little black paw prints for good measure.

Here's my layout, isn't he cute! I used scraps I had left from some Bo Bunny sheets....lots of 'fussy cutting'!

Iceland - Antarctica Training Session 2!!

Well another amazing week spent in Iceland. This time though we were so busy I didn't really get around too taking many snapshots.

There were 2 main objectives of this trip, firstly more driver training for the staff and secondly more cold weather training for some of the competitors. it certainly was a supermix of interesting people. A Blue Peter presenter,  a pair of South African 'Celebrities', a Kiwi, a Pro Norweigian Snowkiter, a Brummie Chef (everyones new best friend) A future whiskey brewer, and the usual mix of polar adventuring, Brits, and Icelandic and Norwegian Guys, little ole me and even littlier itsy bitsy Anna who I'm sure single handedly holds things together and has a built in data bank of what everyone should be doing in that brain of hers!!

First stop was the Arctic trucks  factory to have a look at the latest trucks they were working on. Believe it or not the big white truck is an emergency vehicle for bad weather!



This latest baby is going to be converted into a massive 6 wheeler, not sure if its joining us though







This is what the trucks get converted into!! And believe when I say driving them is like MONSTER TRUCKING in the snow!
Really scary, yet so much fun!!

rations!

Day 3 was a travel day to the glacier and the first day of playing in the snow. Anna put together nibbles pack for the next 2 days on the glacier. I just about fell over when I saw how much was assigned to each person. Apparently this is fairly typical rations....scarey thing was I actually devoured ALL of it!! Dare not work out the amount of calories I consumed.

First stop at the bottom of the glacier for us, layer up clothing, harnesses on, and deflate the tyres on the trucks to the right pressure for snow.

The weather was pretty extreme whilst we were there, it took a fair few hours to get the competitors to the top of the glacier to do their practical training. Take note of the little yellow snow truck to right of this photo. Then have a look for it in the photos I took 2 days later!!!

Dig in and keep on driving!

Kenny looking sleepy at the wheel

The competitors learning how to put the tent up in blizzard  conditions....we were lovely and toasty warm in our truck, nibbling at our rations pack.

My turn at the helm!! I learnt heaps more this trip. Best time to train is in the worst possible weather conditions, and Iceland definitely didn't dissappoint!! Heavy Blizzards the first 2 days on the glacier.

the start of an exciting adventure together!

visibility getting better

wasn't me!

check out the yellow truck now!

day 3 begins!

Third day on the glacier turned into a complete white out and we ended up having to do an emergency rescue from the top of the glacier. Some Finns had camped out over night but it was decided for their own safety it was best to get them off the glacier. Kenny and I drove up in one truck and Emil and Peter went up in another truck. Amazing sensation not being able to see out the window. At one stage we only had about 3 metres visibility, and kept losing sight of each other. Kenny was driving with the drivers door open and staring at the ground to make sure we were still moving, I was hanging out of the passenger side window, fully kitted out with my goggles on  trying to spot the other truck or the people we were looking for.

It really was a pretty remarkable week.....and this is only the beginning......the REAL ADVENTURE starts in December!

Always time to strike up a combat pose.....bit hard to kick any higher though with 4 layers and a harness on!!!

Twisted Sketch #123!!

Almost completely missed blogging this layout as I was away in Iceland and completely forgot! I did this layout at a lovely crop held by Craft Obsessions and met the equally lovely David and Brenda.

Have a look at the sketch for my inspiration here....

And heres my take on it!

My scrapping room - sometimes the answer is right under your nose!!

We have lived in this house now for the better part of a year and when we initially moved in it was just assumed that the small box room would be my scrapping room. Firstly by my reasoning because it was small, warm and cosy, secondly by Kennys reasoning....it was the closest room to the kitchen!!! Honestly that man!!!! Everything equates to his stomach :o) 

The canoe room

Last week I walked into spare front bedroom to see if the grocery man had arrived and as I stood there and rolled my eyes yet again at Kenny's fully inflated canoe (because every man has a bedroom for his canoe doesn't he!!) I also noticed that somehow his motor-cross gear had seemed to move into the room as well. Hmmm seems all his toys were starting to infiltrate the house, after years of me working on having them stored in our numerous sheds and loft!!


Then I noticed how bright the room was and how much light entered the room all day due to the large bay window, suddenly.....an epiphany!!! You see I love my little scrapping room but what I don't love is that it is on the side of the house which doesn't get the sun and the window is tiny so natural light is minimal making my room dark all day no matter what the weather. Not fun sitting in a room having to use lights to match up your colours! Any crafter will tell you how important good lighting is!!!

My NEW Scrapping Room!

My epiphany of course was it was time to move the canoe out and my scrapping room in!!! I'm sitting here now, typing this post admiring how loving my new scrapping room is. I've always considered myself a fairly intelligent woman so how on earth did I NOT think of this earlier!!! Look how much room I have!!!

Twisted Sketch #121!!

What a lovely number 121 and what a great sketch! This weeks twist...'punch'. Have a look at it here....

Here's my take on the sketch. I kept this layout quite simple using a die-cut sheet sheet from Bo-bunny, some very old rub ons which I worried wouldn't rub of properly.....it was a very slow process :o)

Shimelles - Scrapbook starting points!

Oh the lovely Shimelle sets the most inspiring challenges, I've been eyeing off her "Scrapbook starting point" challenges for awhile and had to join in when I saw this one. Basically the idea is to copy her layout up to this point and then take over and finish it in your own style!!

Have a look at all the details

Go to Shimelles' website

Heres Shimelles start point. It finally gave me the courage to scrap my favourite puppy photo of Samurai. Which finally means I've done the title layout  for his 8x8 album.


Here's my interpretation! Wasn't he a gorgeous puppy!! Can't believe he's 12 now!

Twisted Sketch #119!!

Oh what fun....another Twisted Sketch! I spent days looking at this....ummming and ahhhing and turning it round and round. I was determined to use up some more of my Emmas Shoppe collection but it just wasn't happening for me. I went hunting through my paper stash and came across some sheets and scraps from Pink Paislee - Queen Bee Collection, and it all started coming together......

Have a look at the sketch here.....

Turned the sketch on its side and came up with this.....

 

• American Glitter Thickers for the letters
• 2 Camelot Roses Prima flowers
• Say it with pearls and roses swirl
• and hand made felt ribbon flowers with a pearl centre

I really love this little flowers and thought I'd make my first ever craft video of how I made them.

BE WARNED: pretty dull, no nice music, my hands keep getting in the way, I burn myself with my hot glue gun and I almost stick the flower to my cutting mat. Not bad for my first video :o)